The following packet was written by Hayden Hurst. Please direct any comments here.

The Fourth Simpsons Packet

Toss-Ups

It is not the Teletubbies - and Milhouse probably shouldn't have switched to watch an ad for it. Nelson, for some reason, thinks that Shakespeare's involved. That does not appear to be the case - though Sony Tri Star is. For ten points, name this movie whose children know that your knickers don't have shepherd's pie in them.

ANSWER : The _BLOODENING_
Journey to the Center of BLANK. How to make love to BLANK. The Joy of Cooking BLANK. Happiness is a Naked BLANK. For ten points, name the author of these books, the dubber of Bart's voice in an imagined trial, the originator of the crank call and the inventor of the Pog.

ANSWER : Steve _ALLEN_
An ex-employee was Mimi. Current employees include Garth Tralawney, who had issues with Platypus Man, and Jamie Killday, who recently was in Paris for a gopher poison convention. While students went to visit it, Skinner and Willie claimed that they were going to remove asbestos and evolution from Springfield Elementary. For ten points, name this paper which has merged with the Times, Post, Globe, Herald, Jewish News, and Hot Sex Weekly.

ANSWER : Springfield _SHOPPER_
Spanish and Italian are the same language! Bagels are old donuts! Quimby's Dirty Pool! They're Controlling our minds with flu shots! For ten points, name the author of the online publication with all of these articles, whose slogan is "All the Muck that's fit to Rake".

ANSWER : _MISTER X_
People in the background in "Do The Bartman" participated in one. Smithers has done two - once on vacation and once to avoid getting shocked by Mr. Burns. All the Simpsons save Lisa do one to "you don't win friends with salad". And if you're Lucille Ball, you can hide in one of its drums to scare Ricky. For ten points, name this dance that can get you anywhere in Brazil.

ANSWER : _CONGA_
It's a critical part of Homer's three "R"s, and it's also provided Homer with large numbers of amusing memories. It's even shown the Simpsons on its cover. For ten points, name this publication who considered the top Simpsons episode ever to be "Lisa's Wedding".

ANSWER : _TV GUIDE_
Its main musical number is spoofed when Homer decides on a course of action to escape harassment relating to Ashley Grant, thus managing to rhyme something with "accusations". You may know it as Lisa's favorite movie. For ten points, name this movie which didn't have Pinchy as an actor.

ANSWER : _THE LITTLE MERMAID_
Dancing. Surprises. Microscopes, Periscopes, and Telescopes. And it has lots of firepower. Some of its accessories include a dream fortress, a lower back pain chair, and a dream fortress. For ten points, name these toys that met their end thanks to the Springfield Tire Fire and Gary Coleman.

ANSWER : _FUNZO_
At least one the Simpsons visit includes such miracle products as Miracle Shears, the Drain Bugger, and OmniGogs. It also has discounts for veterans, but most importantly, it has BACHMAN TURNER OVERDRIVE! For ten points, name this occurrence whose Iowa version once led to a Simpsons family feud and Billy Carter breakdancing.

ANSWER : _STATE FAIR_
He's good enough at tennis to beat Krusty, mocked Chief Wiggum for getting kicked out of the B-Sharps, and provided Bart with one of one his first words. And even when he's off, it's still fun to stay up late. For ten points, name this TV personality who can sing opera while tossing a Buick Skylark.

ANSWER : Johnny _CARSON_
He gets his entrance to an Alice Cooper song, and the his definition of "fun" is quite exciting - boxing, climbing, and boogie-boarding. But the happiest he has ever been was when he opened his one hundred and twelfth store. For ten points, name this lovable billionaire.

ANSWER : Arthur _FORTUNE_
It is definitely not like a hot tub. Lovejoy mentions it to Homer after seeing puppies devour a turkey. Sideshow Bob plans to send Bart there after singing the entire score of the H.M.S. Pinafore - sort of appropriate, since there are no pirates there. For ten points, name this place whose entrance is clinched when you spit off an escalator or switch from Christian pop to regular pop.

ANSWER : _HELL_
Dr. Hibbert has been there at night. Bart, Lisa and Maggie went there when Homer and Marge became amorous. Homer and Marge went there on a date, as have Skinner and Edna. Homer and Larry hid out there, and Bart snuck in with some other kids. For ten points, name this theater.

ANSWER : _AZTEC_
It features Fort Adventure, Muckville, U.S.A., and Trampoline World, with a fifty dollar admission fee. For ten points, name this place that, according to Homer, doesn't smell funny.

ANSWER : _HOMERLAND_
Some of the people the Simpsons meet here are the unemployed Curly and a bartender who was in Vietnam. It used to be famous as the place where a trail hand could spend a month's pay in three minutes. It now includes thirty percent more gunfights and forty percent more root'n toot'n. For ten points, name this town founded by prostitutes in 1849.

ANSWER : _BLOODBATH GULCH_
They've changed the last part of their name a few times, but have been together for at least twenty years, and have run through a variety of musical styles. Homer and Marge have danced to their renditions of "Patricia" while married and "Close To You" and "Colour My World" at their prom. They even moved into swing, giving Bea and Abe a chance to show their stuff. For ten points, name this band, whose iterations have included Experience and Dance Kings.

ANSWER : _LARRY DAVIS_ (accept Larry Davis Experience, Larry Davis Dance Kings, or Larry Davis Band)
Homer's been on it twice, Marge has been on three times, and Lisa has been on once. Other guests have included Mr. Burns, Krusty, Roger Myers, and Dr. Marvin Monroe live from both Vienna and Athens. Through issues such as the union strike, the angel controversy, and debates over cartoon violence, Kent Brockman always keeps things interesting. For ten points, name this show which ABC is not considering canceling - yet.

ANSWER : _SMARTLINE_
Poochie has stolen one of his catchphrases. The B-sharps wrote a song about him that did not go over well. His head hangs in the wax museum chamber of horrors. But his life isn't all bad - he's on the Stonecutters World Council. For ten points, name this guy who looks like a mohawked Dr. Hibbert and who has never had E.T.'s love child.

ANSWER : _MR. T_
A slingshot. Nunchucks. Dynamite. Dice. Humor magazines. A cherry bomb. Salacious halter tops. And even a fake plastic derriere. For ten points, name this place which used to have a crossbow.

ANSWER : _SEIZED PROPERTY ROOM_
Doug Vaccaro, who you may know better as Chip, shills for it. In theory, it's a snap to set up, but we're talking Homer here - even considering he has to switch to French instructions midway through. If he ever succeeded, he could have burned evidence or grilled a hippo. For ten points, name this item which is also probably possessed by Greasy Joe.

ANSWER : _BARBEQUE PIT_
You may have seen him quickly on the wall of the Pimento Grove and talking on the TV during the Radioactive Man movie episode. If you're familiar with Oregon settlers, it may help you to know that he shares his name with one. If not, it might help to know that Lisa compared him to Nancy Reagan. For ten points, name this author of "Only Turkeys Have Left Wings".

ANSWER : Birch _BARLOW_
Some of her posters from her earlier days show her running for president, boxing with someone, and shooting from an allied bomber. She reminds people that giving people an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called Communism. In her most recent role, she starred in a dance recital, and in one of her earlier movies, she danced with her cat Powder Puff. For ten points, name this dance teacher and former American sweetheart.

ANSWER : _LITTLE VICKY_ Valentine
Mayor Quimby may not be right, but he's close. After the Jimmy Carter statue is installed. After the Do What You Feel Festival. Three in prison. After the championship hockey game. At the end of the Spinal Tap concert. At Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con. During a soccer game - natch. For ten points, what has happened in each of the above cases?

ANSWER : _RIOTS_
Walt Disney. Garfield. Hiawatha. Edgar Neubauer. Buddy Holly. Prudence Goodwyfe. Bleeding Gums Murphy. Good Homer. These are all names that appear on, for ten points, what?

ANSWER : _TOMBSTONES_
It's the hidden theme of this packet. No, it's not that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Nor that a good deed is its own reward. Nor that self-omprovement is best left to those in big cities. It is, however, spoken by Homer as the Simpsons are reflecting on their newly acquired Olmec Indian head. For ten points, name this Seinfeldian quote, and enjoy the rest of TRASHionals.

ANSWER : _IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED_

Bonuses

Alcohol is the cause of, and entire value for, all the points in this bonus. Name the drink for ten points each.

A) This is the beer of Danish kings
ANSWER : _TUBORG_ (two-borg)

B) Flanders is at Alcoholics Anonymous because of this drink
ANSWER : _BLACKBERRY SCHNAPPS_

C) The waiter at the magician show assumes that Marge likes this drink
ANSWER : _LONG ISLAND ICED TEA_
U.S. President time. Given the clue, name the president for ten points each.

A) He called Springfield "a pea-sized town with lima bean-sized dreams"
ANSWER : Calvin _COOLIDGE_

B) Lisa finds an ice cream flavor named after him
ANSWER : Herbert _HOOVER_

C) He was responsible for Project Bootstrap
ANSWER : Gerald _FORD_
Prank call bonus time. Given the first name, give the last. Ten each.

A) Ollie
ANSWER : _TABOOGER_

B) Bea
ANSWER : _O' PROBLEM_

C) Mike
ANSWER : _ROTCH_
Mmmmmmmmmmm - mmmmmm questions. Given the setting, name what comes after Homer's mmmm. Ten each.

A) Homer takes some fertility drugs that he gave to Apu and Manjula
ANSWER : _OVULICIOUS_

B) Homer's perfect job has him saying this in the restroom
ANSWER : _URINAL FRESH_

C) After Tom Kite gives him some golf pointers, Homer mmm's again
ANSWER : _OPEN FACED CLUB SANDWICH_
Given the description, name the guest star from last season. Ten each

A) Jack, a prison inmate who draws a cool puma
ANSWER : Michael _KEATON_

B) Sophie, Krusty's daughter
ANSWER : Drew _BARRYMORE_

C) Rachel Jordan, Ned's possible love interest
ANSWER : Shawn _COLVIN_
People in Springfield have some interesting records in their collections. Answer these questions for ten points each.

A) "Camp Grenada" is sung by this person
ANSWER : Allan _SHERMAN_

B) Apu plays music from this album when he and Manjula entertain Homer and Marge
ANSWER : _CONCERT AGAINST BANGLADESH_

C) When looking for items to play to attract snakes, three albums get rejected. Name two for five points each.
ANSWER : _TINY TIM_, _CHIPMUNK'S GREATEST HITS_, _A CASTRATO CHRISTMAS_
Time for a religious music bonus. Ten points each.

A) Right before Lisa's wedding to Hugh is called off, Maggie was going to sing this
ANSWER : _AMAZING GRACE_

B) Homer is singing this when his voice changes
ANSWER : _O HOLY NIGHT_

C) Right before the vampire Simpsons are going to bite Lisa, everyone sings this song
ANSWER : _HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING_
Given the clue, name the country. Ten each.

A) Homer's first potential horse is on a stamp in what country?
ANSWER : _TANZANIA_

B) Barney's mother is coming in to visit him from what country?
ANSWER : _NORWAY_

C) This country's capital is too complicated for Kent Brockman, who changes it to France.
ANSWER : _MALAYSIA_ (accept Kuala Lumpur)
When Mensa takes over Springfield, we learn that the city only ranks above East Saint Louis in terms of livability. We also see the next highest three. You'll get ten points for naming each city and five points for just the state.

ANSWER : _EBOLA, RHODE ISLAND_, _FLINT, MICHIGAN_, _DAWSON'S CREEK, NORTH CAROLINA_
We want Chilly Willy! We want Chili w.... actually, we just want chili. Given part of the name of a chili, fill in the blank. Ten points each.

A) Old Man's Yale Style BLANK Chili
ANSWER : _Saltpetre_

B) BLANK Ned's Five Alarm Chili
ANSWER : _FIREHOUSE_

C) A little bit of BLANK
ANSWER : _LENNY_
Time for some questions on Springfield U.'s homecoming

A) What is Springfield University's nickname?
ANSWER : _NITTANY TIDE_

B) An altered version of what song plays before Homer's float?
ANSWER : I've Had The _TIME OF MY LIFE_ (accept "I've Had the Halftime of My Life")

C) What is the title of Homer's float?
ANSWER : A salute to _HAZING_

(Moderator's note - I had to include a question on an episode that includes the line "my love affair with Ali McGraw. She called me 'preppy'. Then she died")
Time for the saga of Compuglobalhypermeganet. Ten points each.

A) What is Flanders' internet company called?
ANSWER : _FLANCREST ENTERPRISES_

B) What character is Comic Book Guy trying to download pictures of?
ANSWER : _CAPTAIN JANEWAY_

C) Homer's pop-up appears with his picture next to two words. What are they?
ANSWER : _INTERNET KING_
Everybody loves a parade. Ten points each.

A) A parade to honor this person allows Marge to distribute pretzel leaflets
ANSWER : _SPACE GIRL_

B) Terror Lake salutes this person - to Sideshow Bob's misfortune
ANSWER : _HANNIBAL_

C) Krusty can trim this parade on his show to "a lean twenty"
ANSWER : _HOBO_
If you make it to the bigs, you'll eventually visit Capital City. Given the description, name the item there, ten each.

A) Capital City has the "original" version of this chain
ANSWER : _FRENCHIES_

B) Lisa notices this restaurant
ANSWER : _PENNY LOAFER_

C) Tony Bennett sings about, and everyone is excited to see, what street intersection
ANSWER : _FOURTH STREET AND D_
Answer the following questions about Moe's acting career

A) What was Moe's name on The Little Rascals?
ANSWER : _SMELLY_ (prompt on "the tough kid")

B) What soap does Moe audition for after he gets his new face?
ANSWER : _IT NEVER ENDS_

C) What character does Moe play on "It Never Ends"?
ANSWER : Dr. Tad _WINSLOW_
The Fox network does produce a large amount of quality programming. Answer these questions about shows which fall slightly below that level for ten points each.

A) Lots of sexy singles are taken to a resort paradise, where ... no, Fox is way too highbrow for that. They do, however, have a McBain talk show.
ANSWER : _UP LATE WITH MCBAIN_

B) Lisa watches this show with Homer and Bart when she's sure she's becoming stupider
ANSWER : _WHEN BUILDINGS COLLAPSE_

C) In the Halloween special, Snake gets electrocuted on this Fox show
ANSWER : _WORLD'S DEADLIEST EXECUTIONS_
Springfield's tradition of democracy includes numerous propositions. No, not that kind. Anyway, you can get descriptions of each proposition and give the number for ten points or get the number and give a description for five. What's your choice?

(MODERATOR - ACCEPT REASONABLE EQUIVALENTS)

A) 24
Deport illegal immigrants

B) 305
Discount bus fares for war widows

C) 217
Legalizes Indian casinos
Time for some questions on places to get educated. Answer the following for the stated number of points.

5 - While Marge rehearses, Maggie stays at a day care center whose name mentions this person.
ANSWER : Ayn _RAND_

10 - Ralph wants to go here when he grows up
ANSWER : _BOVINE UNIVERSITY_

15 - Santa's Little Helper goes to a school named after this person
ANSWER : Emily _WINTHROP_
Mmmmm. Food. Given the clues, name the restaurant. Ten points each.

A) Selma's second date with Troy McClure occurs here
ANSWER : _UGLI_

B) Marge's birthday is celebrated here, as is Bart's first "A"
ANSWER : _SINGING SIRLOIN_

C) It's an intimate, elegant dining experience
ANSWER : _GILDED TRUFFLE_
Funny hat day will beat those blues... Answer the following questions for ten points each.

A) What type of hat is the angel of death pretender wearing?
ANSWER : _BEANIE_

B) What type of hat is Burns wearing?
ANSWER : _VIKING_ (accept equivalents)

C) What song is piped in?
ANSWER : _WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT?_, by Tom Jones
Unlike Kenny, dead characters on the Simpsons stay dead. Given a description, name the character for ten each.

A) The legend of the dog-faced woman is no more for this relative of Marge's.
ANSWER : Aunt _GLADYS_

B) He passed away during a long weekend. Willy gets burial duties.
ANSWER : _SUPERDUDE_

C) To claim their hundred bucks from her will, the Simpsons must spend a night in a haunted house.
ANSWER : Great Aunt _HORTENSE_
Song times. Identify the song, five points each. You'll get a five point bonus if you get them all.

A) Sung by Bart and Lisa at the karaoke bar
ANSWER : _THEME FROM SHAFT_, by Isaac Hayes

B) Sung by a hippie on a hot day. The hippie gets deservedly punched.
ANSWER : _SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS_, by John Denver

C) Smithers sings an altered version on the Simpsons Family Smile Time Variety Hour
ANSWER : _WHIP IT_, by Devo

D) One of the Nessie dolls has a shirt slogan that parodies this song
ANSWER : _MACARENA_, by Los Del Rio

E) Marge sings this during her nightclub act
ANSWER : _I SHOT THE SHERIFF_, by Eric Clapton
One last music bonus. I want the artist for ten each. If you need the song mentioned, you'll get five.

A) 10 - Before Homer gets Lisa to help him, he references this song in asking Denver to win
5 - Justify My Love
ANSWER : _MADONNA_

B) 10 - Played in the steel mill after hours
5 - Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)
ANSWER : _C&C MUSIC FACTORY_

C) 10 - Homer sings this while driving Snake's car
5 - Luka
ANSWER : Suzanne _VEGA_
Maybe it's time for some literature questions. Given the description, answer the following questions on a 5-10-15 basis.

5 - Manjula's favorite movie, book and food
ANSWER : _FRIED GREEN TOMATOES_

10 - Paul Harvey's audio guide to marital bliss
ANSWER : _MR. AND MRS. EROTIC AMERICAN_

15 - Moe reads this book by Bennigan and Fuddrucker
ANSWER : _YOUR GIMMICKY RESTAURANT_
Chalkboard openings. Fill in the blank - five points each.

A) The principal's toupee is not a BLANK
ANSWER : _FRISBEE_

B) I did not win the Nobel BLANK Prize
ANSWER : _FART_

C) The BLANK did not have a "full life"
ANSWER : _HAMSTER_

D) Today is not BLANK's Day
ANSWER : _MOTHRA_

E) There is no Roman God named BLANK
ANSWER : _FARTACUS_

F) Science class should not end in BLANK
ANSWER : _TRAGEDY_

Index